Misery loves company for Hogmanay
[2008/04/01 01:50:10]
HAVING found himself lumbered with a dodgy cut-and-shut motor to get rid of on New Year''s Eve, Kevin unhappily wailed: "I just want to get back to my normal boring life!" Since coming to Albert Square almost two years ago, he''s been hooked up with the temperamental Denise and fought off her ex; been blackmailed by his long-lost wife (who revealed that his kids weren''t actually his); been robbed in Dungeness; got married despite confessing to sleeping with his ex; seen his son and stepdaughter jailed … yeah, that old normal boring life.
Sometimes I do suspect the **EastEnders** scriptwriters are having a little chuckle to themselves. And who can blame them, when they must constantly produce a diet of misery, especially at festive times? Kevin is this year''s sacrificial victim, like a pagan''s mid-winter offering to bring back the sun. It was no surprise, as he''d spent all week talking about "fresh starts" and how 2008 was going to be the "best year ever" and how he should buy a new sofa: obvious omens of doom.
And so he and his scary ex-wife, Shirley, rather foolishly took the dodgy motor for a joyride prior to setting it alight, in the process revealing that Kevin''s idea of sexy banter back in the day involved the phrase "handbrake turns" (the mind boggles). Naturally, the car crashed.
Since Shirley has recently been making gimlet eyes at Bobby Davro, she will probably survive. But Kevin will turn his handbrake no more, I fear – well, actually, I''m rather relieved. When Phil Daniels joined the show, it seemed like a boost for the struggling soap that a well-established, critically acclaimed film actor wouldn''t think it beneath him. Sadly, Daniels has been pretty bad in a pretty bad role which may have damaged his reputation rather than enhanced the show''s. He''s probably wise to get out now, before his character''s life became even more sensationally boring.
Meanwhile, Tanya was trying to bounce back from having this year''s Worst Christmas Ever. She''d had to watch a video of her husband Max and stepdaughter-in-law Stacey snogging (and we thought *The Catherine Tate Show Special* was rubbish). Having thrown out Max the angry baby look-alike, Tanya is required to keep it in the family some more by taking up the standing offer from Stacey''s brother, Sean. Goodness, the dating pool is slim in Walford. Stay long enough and you''ll become your own grandmother.
"Run along now and look mean and moody somewhere," Tanya tells Sean, though what she actually means is "run along and look like Daniel Bedingfield some more". But hey, she''s gotta get through this, so she has him round for a New Year''s lumber, which entails ostentatiously buying a bottle of wine from the Queen Vic. This, for some reason, is where everyone in Albert Square buys wine, because off-licences have not been invented in the world of *EastEnders* and they enjoy paying huge surcharges.
Such ridiculous storylines and unbelievable dialogue, combined with too many weekly episodes dragging everything out, are making the show a joke. It''s a shame: serial drama is a perfectly valid format and needn''t be as silly as this.
The splendidly silly **Still Game**, on the other hand, strayed slightly into soap territory with its Hogmanay Special ending on a cliff-hanger: are Navid the shopkeeper and Isa the gossipy cleaner really going to have an affair? It''s a tribute to the skill of Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill that the budding romance between such odd old biddies wasn''t just funny, but almost touching.
The full article contains 611 words and appears in The Scotsman newspaper.
Sometimes I do suspect the **EastEnders** scriptwriters are having a little chuckle to themselves. And who can blame them, when they must constantly produce a diet of misery, especially at festive times? Kevin is this year''s sacrificial victim, like a pagan''s mid-winter offering to bring back the sun. It was no surprise, as he''d spent all week talking about "fresh starts" and how 2008 was going to be the "best year ever" and how he should buy a new sofa: obvious omens of doom.
And so he and his scary ex-wife, Shirley, rather foolishly took the dodgy motor for a joyride prior to setting it alight, in the process revealing that Kevin''s idea of sexy banter back in the day involved the phrase "handbrake turns" (the mind boggles). Naturally, the car crashed.
Since Shirley has recently been making gimlet eyes at Bobby Davro, she will probably survive. But Kevin will turn his handbrake no more, I fear – well, actually, I''m rather relieved. When Phil Daniels joined the show, it seemed like a boost for the struggling soap that a well-established, critically acclaimed film actor wouldn''t think it beneath him. Sadly, Daniels has been pretty bad in a pretty bad role which may have damaged his reputation rather than enhanced the show''s. He''s probably wise to get out now, before his character''s life became even more sensationally boring.
Meanwhile, Tanya was trying to bounce back from having this year''s Worst Christmas Ever. She''d had to watch a video of her husband Max and stepdaughter-in-law Stacey snogging (and we thought *The Catherine Tate Show Special* was rubbish). Having thrown out Max the angry baby look-alike, Tanya is required to keep it in the family some more by taking up the standing offer from Stacey''s brother, Sean. Goodness, the dating pool is slim in Walford. Stay long enough and you''ll become your own grandmother.
"Run along now and look mean and moody somewhere," Tanya tells Sean, though what she actually means is "run along and look like Daniel Bedingfield some more". But hey, she''s gotta get through this, so she has him round for a New Year''s lumber, which entails ostentatiously buying a bottle of wine from the Queen Vic. This, for some reason, is where everyone in Albert Square buys wine, because off-licences have not been invented in the world of *EastEnders* and they enjoy paying huge surcharges.
Such ridiculous storylines and unbelievable dialogue, combined with too many weekly episodes dragging everything out, are making the show a joke. It''s a shame: serial drama is a perfectly valid format and needn''t be as silly as this.
The splendidly silly **Still Game**, on the other hand, strayed slightly into soap territory with its Hogmanay Special ending on a cliff-hanger: are Navid the shopkeeper and Isa the gossipy cleaner really going to have an affair? It''s a tribute to the skill of Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill that the budding romance between such odd old biddies wasn''t just funny, but almost touching.
The full article contains 611 words and appears in The Scotsman newspaper.
